Averse Odium
by Rosette-Cullen
Summary: Physical ailments are unknown to those who are vampires, but what of the subconscious and mental illness? Rated for rape, and by someone everyone will hate me for. ExB Second and final chapter added!
1. Chapter 1

Her fragile body was still in the night. She made no movements, no sounds, and I knew it would not be for long. Her chest rose and fell in slow rhythms of her unconscious form. I had made my decision. The sadist was tired of being locked up.

My mind wandered to thoughts unlike any before. I was becoming a monster, but it was too late to stop it, I -- for some reason -- just didn't care. My body was controlling me, something that had always had the chance to come out. My mind was screaming, but after years of blocking people out, I could easily ignore it. I was catatonic while I stood by her bed. I was incredulous of my own actions. I would do it, I had already decided that. As twisted and sick as it was, I would.

My legs carried me to her bed, where she was lying helplessly. No one would hear, no one would know, and yet, when people found out, they would know immediately. That did not matter, what mattered was that I was going to do this, no qualms, no regrets. There would be no point.

My hands were steady as they reached for her. I had sat for hours observing her, now I would not lose myself to nervousness. My hand made its way to her shoulder, where I roughly turned her from her side to her back. Her wide eyes snapped open sleepily. She immediately caught sight of me and began to speak. I wouldn't let her ruin this. My lips went to hers to hush the questions and pleas.

I moved over her, my body hovering above hers. She was responsive after a while, I didn't want her to feel that way. I wanted her to know what I was, to see that I was a danger. I grabbed her chin and pulled her head away to side, my mouth went to her neck and I growled possessively. I would forget the blood, it didn't matter, and it never would.

Her heart rate increased as she noticed I wasn't acting like myself. No, I was long gone, blown into the dust never to return. I growled again as she tried to push me up. My hands gripped her wrists tightly and pinned them to the bed. She struggled against me, her body thrashing to move from my grip. Tears formed in her eyes, to which I smiled menacingly.

She screeched loudly trying to escape me, but I wouldn't let her leave. She was _mine_. My lips went to hers again, this time I was rough, trying to shut her up. Pulling her wrists into one of my hands, I caressed the length of her face. She let out a sob and stared at me with confused and hurt eyes. Her lips were swollen and a bruise was forming on the left side of her mouth. She was still gorgeous, though.

"It's useless to fight me," I cooed. "Don't you see that, dear? I always get what I want. It'll be quick, I promise."

Whether the thought just occurred to her or not, she began to struggle against me again. Her legs pushed at my chest to lift me from her. It would not help her, though. I grabbed her legs and spread them wide on either side of me. Sobs released from her mouth and screams for help left from her.

"Please," she begged in a broken whisper.

"No,"

I ripped her thin shirt from her body and then her pants. Discarding them to the floor, I looked over my glorious prize. Her skin illuminated in the light of the moon. The tears on her face glistened, the way her chest heaved with sobs and breaths made my body tremble. She was a goddess in human form, it was a sin for what I was and what I was doing, but I just didn't care anymore.

She cried out as I gripped her breast tightly in my hand. The small nipple hardened between my fingers. She screamed and cried while a bruise in the shape of my hand slowly formed. I pinched the other tightly, not enough to draw blood. I wanted to watch her squirm, the sight was erotic.

I squeezed her wrists hard to let her know not to move them. A sob left her throat when I moved my hand from her wrist. Both of my hands gently massaged her chest, a change from the brutality I had inflicted on her. My hands left down her chest over her slightly protruding ribs and to her hips. They were so perfectly built, wide but not too much. If God came and told me to create a woman of my liking, I would make her.

I pressed my lips to the indentation of her stomach, sucking on the skin of her naval. I made my mark several times. Her alabaster skin made the bruises look more vivid, which only egged me on to make more. I had made a trail of kiss marks around her stomach. Each darker than the last.

I pulled away from her stomach to view over her. She was crying with heavy tears flowing down her cheeks. Her wrists were still above her head as I had silently instructed, but they were shaking uncontrollably just like the rest of her.

I pulled my shirt over my head and pressed my chest against hers. My lips went back to her neck and felt the blood rush through her veins. Her body was on fire for me, the blood pumping wildly with adrenaline. She wasn't stupid; she knew what I was doing. Her body reacted with thrashing before, even though it was useless and she only ended up harming herself. But, I suppose she couldn't just give in to me that easily. I had hoped she wouldn't.

My fingers trailed her soft flesh down lower than her bruised naval. I brushed the length of her opening, earning a shiver from her body. I couldn't help but notice that as I went on playing and feeling her, how soaked she was. Even though she was terrified, her body spilled for my every touch.

"You are sick," I murmured into the valley of her neck.

Before she had any time to answer me, I stuck my finger into her. She gasped and tried to struggle against me. I gripped her wrists again and snarled into her neck. She knew enough to let her body go limp and let her silent tears fall to the pillow beneath her head.

Her hips were trying not to buck into my hand, but the fact that she was a woman and her needs were being met made her want more from me. Terror was losing against want. I had to change that.

I found her sensitive bundle of nerves, knowing she would gasp. I smirked as she did, and then pinched it hard. Her scream was loud and frantic. Her hips bucked, but not for pleasure, for escape. The more she moved the tighter I squeezed. Her movements died down and soon only whimpers escaped from her body.

I lifted myself from her body and stood by the side of her bed. She shook horribly and tried to curl in on herself. I was becoming wary of her not listening to me. Grabbing my belt from my pants, I took her hands and tied them together to the headboard of her bed. Her body thrashed from side to side, now realizing I was done fooling around with her. Her pathetic form pleaded for me to stop and think, which I did, only to continue.

My pants dropped to the floor, and I stepped out from them. She stared at me in horror, her eyes dilated and teary. I resumed my position over her again, my finger reentering inside of her. She cried and tried to move away again. My fingers were only helping her, preparing her body for something much larger. I smiled at her, my face only inches from her own. She looked on in horror at my happy demeanor.

"I love you," my voice dripped with venom. But it was the truth. She didn't say anything back, but moved her head away from my line of sight. Her eyes were distant, waiting for me.

I would not go for that. I pulled her head back to mine and looked into her eyes as I entered her. Tears swelled immediately and she screamed louder than before. It was heart wrenching, if I was under my former distinction. Her hands pulled at her restraints uselessly. I picked her legs up and put them over my forearms and my hands on her hips. I wanted to bury myself inside of her.

Her screams were beginning to fade. As hard as she tried she couldn't resist the pleasure I was giving her. My hands gripped harder on her hips and I thrusted deeper and firmer. I could feel her tight body rejecting my length and the pressure at which I was moving inside her virgin body. I could feel something snap inside of her. Her eyes were wide with terror and pain as pain became more prominent in her feelings.

Her pelvis was starting to snap and her hip was broken. I could feel the broken bone rejecting my thrusts. She thrashed desperately, but to no avail. Her orgasm came without notice on her part. Her body was already shaking, and I doubted that with the pain, she could feel anything below her ribs.

I pulled myself out from her before I climaxed and continued to pump myself. She looked on in shock, but said and did nothing. I felt myself go and my seed spread across her perfect chest and some onto her cheek and chin. My fingers lightly smeared her face and dipped into her mouth. She flinched slightly but didn't move. She let my hand move around her body. I untied her hands and moved her to sit up. I pulled her to my lap and cradled her shaking form.

"It's over," I whispered, my mouth moving up and down her neck. "You are mine, and I will see you in hell."

"I- I…" she stammered.

"What?" my voice was feather light.

"I… forgive you…"

I growled and threw her to the floor. "Why?" I yelled.

"Y- you're not… you."

"You're right, I'm not. But that didn't stop me now did it, Bella?"

"N- no, but I'll always love… my Edward…. not this one."

I moved to the ground with her in a slow movement. She trembled but didn't move away from me. I pulled her body to mine and stroked her hair and back.

"Would you prefer your Edward kill you?" I could feel the venom seeping into my mouth.

"I still… for- forgive you, Edward." she whispered in a sob. "I still l- love you."

"Then you are foolish…" I moved my mouth to her neck. "And so am I."

With that, I bit into her soft flesh. The blood pooled into my mouth and I didn't want to stop. It tasted better than wine from the gods, or blood from the highest divine force. The only divine force that applied to me, was the broken goddess in my arms. Her heart wasn't pacing as it had before. Her breathing was labored.

I pulled from her body and watched her lidded eyes slowly close. Her face was pale and ghostly. My hand went to her neck and smeared the blood to her mouth. My fingers traced her full lips in her blood, and I kissed her goodnight.

* * *

**A/N: Same rule applies here as does any of my risqué pieces. If you don't like, don't read, and _definitely _don't review. I'm on a zero tolerance policy, and I haven't gotten any bad reviews as of yet, but once someone leaves a bad review trahing, me, not the story or leaving critique, they get blocked.**

**Hope you like, I know it's not the normal fluffy lemons, but it's different. I haven't posted it for a long time because I was afraid of the take on it. Be gentle with it.**


	2. Chapter 2

The belated summer winds blew wildly through the morning rise. The crisp air of fall was wrangling in the sense of comfort, which confused my already bewildered form. The clouds were thick on my heavy heart, knowing this was once my calling… my _home_. The dark sky was giving way the peak of the sun, slowly being hidden by grey cumulous clouds that would hold no rain for the day. Wouldn't _she _love it?

I looked from the clouds to the open window which I had come from. My dear, lovely, serene angel looked frail and decrepit on the floor, so I had placed her in a more comforting position. I sat in the rocking chair, contentedly moving to and fro while looking on. Her blood called to me, but I kept my distance from her, I had had my fill.

She looked lovely in her form, though she was far from the human standards. I had put her in the blue blouse I had loved best. It hugged her curves and made her neck look to elegant, even with the mark of my teeth neatly imprinted on it. Her legs were sheathed in the jeans I had gotten for her, they were snug on her long, sumptuous legs. I had smoothed her hair, and removed the blood from the furnishings, but I left her lips painted a crimson red. I chuckled to myself, I was becoming an Alice, playing with my beloved against her will.

I looked into the dawn and sighed. The house had been so quiet; no sounds had escaped in hours, as I stood guard. The car outside the house alerted me to the first human made tones in a while. I stood slowly from my chair and walked over to her once more. My hand went to her cheek, cupping it and looking at her lidded eyes. I couldn't see the black that her warm brown eyes were.

"My love," I sighed. "Am I not the fool? Though your death may be vein, this is for us both." I caressed her and kissed her lips in a morbid manner, but it was loving and tender to me. I had been the fool to admit so easily, without thought, that I loved her unconditionally. What I was and what I did was nothing to mourn over for me, though.

I moved from the room and out of the window. Her father, Charlie, was walking up the stairs, and I sat on the branch outside of the house in anticipation for his arrival. I heard each stomp as he passed through the small home. He stopped for a glass of water first, drinking from the tap in earnest. He removed his gun belt, shoes and jacket, and then headed upstairs. I counted each slow footstep up to thirty two and then I held my breath. My nerves were swimming in anticipation that was much too slow.

He went to his room first, putting away his wallet, keys, and some other things. He was being slow and I had noticed it was different from other times. I didn't like that he was tired, and I didn't like what he was thinking. A low snarl ripped from my chest and my hands clenched on the wood beneath me.

_'I swear, ever since that boy left, Bella's been nothing but a zombie. I'm surprised she's still asleep! Usually when I come home this early she's doing yard work or staring off into space. Poor kid, it's a good thing she has one good friend…' _his thoughts revolved around a tall kid, about Bella's age, named Jacob. His appearance was one that I recognized immediately, and it had made everything so much easier for me.

Charlie pulled himself from the confines of his room and walked through the hall. But he stopped at the bathroom instead. I growled with impatience and gripped the wood harder. I was starting to wonder if the man wanted me to grab him and throw him beside my Isabella. I wouldn't let him have her, though. She was mine, and he would be a muse for me to manipulate.

He stepped from the bathroom and finally made his way down the hall. His hand paused on the doorknob, and I swore if he didn't open it I would force him in. To my pleasure, he opened the door to her room slowly. He looked around, suddenly feeling things weren't right. Charlie stepped further in, looking around the room first. His eyes landed on the one tiny stain of red on the floor and he walked to it.

'_Nail polish?'_ he mused. _'Lipstick? No, Bella doesn't wear those things, especially not red.'_ he swallowed hard when he dipped his finger in it. His eyes went wide and his face went a little pale when he noticed the consistency.

His years as a cop had him trained in the basics of forensics, and some he had managed to pick up along the way. I was still holding my breath, knowing at any moment he would start my plan in motion. I would make my mark in the human world, just as the vampire. Charlie moved up unsteadily, remembering one too many scenes from horror movies. His jaw was trembling as he moved towards her bed.

"B- Bella?" he whispered quietly. I was on the edge of the branch, waiting for his realization to hit. He swallowed again and moved the blanket away from her. I half expected her to pop up and scream at him from what he was doing, but that was only because he was so vividly imaging the many times she had done that.

He began to gasp and pant and he moved the blanket down to reveal her entirety. He jumped back, nearly falling to the floor, seeing the pleasant little marks I made all around her neck and the dark crimson on her full lips. I jumped from the branch I was on and crouched on the windowsill before I stepped down see a terrified man trembling before me. I put my hands in my pockets and smiled at him.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" I asked jovially. "An elegant piece of art sculpted from the hands of god, and topped with the most sinful of décor. Don't you agree?"

"W- what…" he was spluttering while looking at me like I was the devil himself. Fitting for a man like me, but I was not that, though, what I had just done certainly proved I was still capable of being a man. Charlie couldn't speak as he back in the wall, reaching for a gun that wasn't there. With the sudden fear came hate and despair. He had lost his daughter and now was facing her killer, her lover. But he didn't know about us.

"She is something, is she not? I had to have her." I moved my way to the bed and sat in front of her, playing with her hair. I knew I was being melodramatic, but it was kind of entertaining. I loved to fool with humans. "So I did. She was mine to begin with; it was foolish to leave such a precious, breakable thing."

"What did you do?" he screamed at me. I looked up with dark eyes and glared at the man. He cringed back and trembled into the wall. His hand read for the door and I growled. His eyes popped wider, so much so that his eyes could have fallen right out.

"If you run, I _will_ kill you." I snarled. Charlie appeared to be having trouble breathing as he was panting heavily and tears were forming in the creases of his eyes. I stood up and sat on the window ledge with a false enthusiasm. I was really getting into this. I could read his mind, but humans were fun when they were scared. The racing of his blood was a sweet tune to my ears, but nothing like Bella's.

"Y… your eyes," he whispered horrified. I touched underneath my lashes and cocked my head to the side. This would only add to the effects.

"They're red, aren't they? I'd forgotten about that." I chuckled grimly. "I like them this way, not the colour, the reasoning behind it, though." he looked like he wanted to ask why, but he was choking on his words. "There's no reason but her, always her." I leaned my head to the messy bed on my right. "Even when she had seen and felt and heard what I had done, she still loved me. How in the world was I so deserving?"

Charlie was trembling and his jaw was chattering. I nodded to the rocking chair, and when he hesitated I growled. Without a word, he slowly went to the chair and sat down in it. I moved back over to the bed and picked up my love's body. It still fit to my own, her head still lolled unknowingly to the crook of my neck and I set her arms in her lap while I stood with her. I faced Charlie who was ghastly and terrified.

"I'll allow you to say your peace, but you will never see her, or me, again. This is goodbye… for eternity." I said solemnly. "I want to listen to me carefully, Chief Swan. Can you do that?"

"Y- yes," he whispered.

"My family has nothing to do with this. It's all me, I won't allow any harm on them, and if you go against my wishes, I will kill you tortuously slow. That I can promise you." he nodded dumbly and I walked back over to the window. I looked back and smiled before I dropped, chuckling darkly as I ran off.

I could hear his mind racing as he heard my voice leaving him, and then he rushed over to the window to see that I was no longer there. He stumbled down the stairs to his gun and to his car, and that's where I lost distance with his mind. He was going to try to hunt _me_ down? I was the hunter, not him. I looked down at the frail girl in my arms. _I_ was the hunter… _I _was the fool. I ran for a long time, making my way far from Washington and to the designated sight of my arrival.

I stopped and placed Bella down on the small blanket that was prepared. I suddenly felt sick that I had this so perfectly planned, that this went without a hitch. I didn't deserve the ease in which I had completed this. But I did, and maybe that was the beginning of my punishments. I looked into the black hole of dirt that took me no less than one minute. I opened the casket's frame, simple freesia petals lined the bedding and it was much more expensive than any sports car. I looked next to it, to the graves that I had put here.

It was in the middle of a meadow, not _our_ meadow, but it would be ours for the rest of time no matter what. This one was simpler, thick woods surrounded the area and there were no wild flowers. Deer and rabbits surrounded the area, not caring that I was here. They frolicked and chased after one another and I couldn't help but smile. Bella would love the sight.

I finished making the grave perfect before I picked up her body and brushed some of her hair from her face. So beautiful she was. Even in death, she was the most gorgeous creature I had ever laid eyes on. And she loved only me. Even though I had killed her brutally and took away from her the chance to die peacefully. I kissed her lips and carefully placed her into the immaculate coffin. I committed the sight to memory before I closed the lid and began to throw the dirt back over it. Smoothing out the rough piles, I stood back and placed a wild assortment of flowers onto her grave sight. Her headstone was white granite with her name neatly scrawled into the rock.

"Sleep my angel, for the day awaits, and I shall join you in our own eternity." I read from the headstone. I looked to the one beside her. It was about time I had done this, I planned it decades ago, when I wanted to finally feel at ease with declaring myself '_dead_', but something about calling myself deceased made me sick.

My full name was across a similar black headstone with no birth date, or expiration date. It wasn't worth it. I didn't want to cause my family hell; they wouldn't suffer for my mistakes. Though, I knew that was a lie. My mother would be heartbroken, but she would heal. I stepped back from the graves and looked around me. No one would assume to look here, but once someone stumbled upon it, I knew we would relocate. Well, at least Bella would. My body would never be found.

I closed my eyes and breathed deeply. "Alice," I greeted.

"Don't," she whispered. I turned around and looked at her, she was standing twenty feet away from me with a distressing look. She looked wounded and more deadpan than I had seen anyone.

"I have to, what choice do I have?" I asked monotone.

"You could stop. You could come back… you could…" she started trembling. "What were you _thinking_?" she screamed. Her fists balled up and she was heaving her breaths. She took in a large breath and screeched into the air. It was loud, my hands ached to cover my ears, but I kept them at my sides. No one was around us for miles so it was only us in this space.

Before I could recover from her violent, shrill, scream, she flew at me. I had never seen Alice move that quickly before, but she came straight on and knocked me back into a few dozen trees. When we landed she began to punch me with all the force in her body. I kept my teeth clenched and took each blow with gratification. She could punch me all she'd like and rip me limb from limb, but I would give her no lip about it.

"How… could… you?!" she screamed with each punch. "You… loved… her!" she dropped her arms and screamed again. _Much _louder this time. She fell onto my chest and began to sob tearlessly against me. She was screaming and crying violently but I didn't remove her. I put a hand on her back and waited until she was calm enough to speak.

"I love her still." I whispered.

"Then why?" she growled.

"I… don't know," I sighed. She sat up and glared at me before smacking me again.

"Do you know how I felt? I saw it, I saw it all in my head. I kept praying you would change your mind, that this was some kind of sick joke. And then I could see it so clearly, each step. I saw you dig these graves, I saw you buy those flowers and I saw you do it!" she punched me again, this time she dug her knee into my stomach. "I was halfway across the world! You were waiting for me to leave, that's why you kept pushing for me and Jasper to leave you! Not so that we could enjoy some time alone, but so you could_ rape_ and _murder_ the girl you supposedly love!"

"I do love her!" I snapped and pushed her to the ground from on top of me. I stood and braced myself against a tree at my sudden anger. Alice was on her feet in the same instant growling and snarling. "She loves me, too. She was scared, but if you were watching she loves me." I growled back.

"She loves the old you." Alice spat. "She doesn't love _this_! This monster that killed her is not what she loves. And she wouldn't love you if you go off and do this either!" she was screaming again, her shrill voice was piercing through the air and I walked past her. "Where are you going?!"

"I have something I need to do now." I said calmly.

"No! Don't, please don't, Edward!" she was begging me now, tugging at my arm and trying to pull me back to her. "Just because you did this doesn't mean you have to die!"

"I can't live without her, and this is the only way. Goodbye, Alice." she wrapped her tiny arms around my waist and I turned pick her up and embrace her. "Goodbye little sister. Tell everyone I love them, make sure Esme is okay, and take care of her. Thank Carlisle for me, and tell him I'm sorry for whatever trouble I caused, it was supposed to be between me, not getting you guys in trouble. Tell Emmett and Jasper they were great brothers and make sure Rosalie takes care of my car, she's the only one I trust with it. It's still at the house."

"Don't, please, don't!" she was sobbing.

"Don't make this harder, Alice. If I didn't I would be miserably depressed. This is for the best, I'd rather everyone remember me the way I was, not the horrible murdered I am now."

"They won't care! We all have our slipups, they'll forgive you. I'll forgive you…" she had stopped crying, realizing the finality in my tone was not for show.

"Goodbye, Alice, you were always my best friend, and a great sister." I pulled her off and began to run at top speed to escape her. She was trying her hardest to run after me, but she was almost a mile behind before I was preparing to let go.

"I love you, Edward! And so does everyone else!" she screamed at me before I lost her scent, sound, and mind. I didn't smile, they shouldn't love me. The only love I had was Bella's, and I didn't deserve that.

I made my way back into Washington, discreetly making my way through the streets and back to Forks. My mind was a little at ease, I knew Alice would let no one find that little clearing. She would respect my last silent wish. That would be ours, whether I was there or not, and I had a feeling I would always be with my Bella.

I ran into the limits of Forks and veered off into an unfamiliar direction. I breathed in the faint scent of my dearest, my mind swirling with her laughter, voice, scent, tears. My mind was playing vivid pictures and I would revel in them before my final moment. I ran into the invisible barrier of the La Push grounds and ran until I caught the scent that made my lungs burn with the bitter and warm scent of… cinnamon, that was the only way to describe it. It was tart and made my face twist, but I kept still and didn't let it both me.

I saw my destination and stopped dead in my tracks in front of the wall of fur I had encountered. I stood to my full height and stuck my hands in my pockets. I kept my face straight before I lifted my chin indignantly. "Wolves,"

An unfriendly growl resonated as my welcome and I saw someone walking forward. The boy -- Jacob Black -- stepped forward, still as an adolescent teenager with an angry expression. His brow was thick and it shadowed over his eyes. He was growling, or as close as a human could get, and glaring at me.

"_Blood sucker_," he hissed.

"I killed Isabella Swan," I stated with a deadpan tone. A group snarl came from the wall in front of me. Some of them were moving forward but they were stopped by the human in front of them. He was shaking uncontrollably.

"You… you!" he roared before his body blew up into a monstrous brown wolf. I sighed, there'd been enough semantics for the day. I wanted this to be done and over with. I had someone waiting for me.

"She's mine; I can do what I please with her. Now, kill me you mutts. Or would you prefer I kill all of you instead?" they balked at my command but Jacob attacked me, his teeth bared and his claws coming straight at me. I didn't move from my spot and closed my eyes lightly before I felt impact. I could feel his claws digging into me and his teeth snapping off my limbs, but numbness had taken over me.

I went limp and opened my eyes. I would stare death in the face as had my beloved. Jacob's eyes were black in his large head and he was chewing each piece off. I needed to inform him of one thing, to tell him how to properly dispose of my pathetic and worthless form.

"Burn…" I choked out. "My remains," I croaked the last part and everyone howled in approval around me. I closed my eyes and allowed them to roll back into my head. My mind flitted moving pictures of Bella across my eyelids and I smiled. I had a stupid, idiotic smile on my face while I was painfully being ripped to shreds, but I didn't care. I had committed a sin of a terrible kind and this was the only way.

I sighed with my last breath and fell into the darkness with the warm brown eyes I loved more than any other.

* * *

**A:N: I felt as though I owed some people a second chapter, or a follow up. A lot of people were concerned with Alice not being able to stop Edward. Even if she does _see_ it, if she can't get there in time, what's the point?  
Yes, I know this could probably never happen, but it is set during Newmoon and therefore Bella and Edward have not been together in a while. No one thinks about the mentality that's in a person who has to live out an eternity. Think about it, a century alone and then just finding this one thing that makes you happy, and you _have_ to leave it because you kill it? Who wouldn't be driven crazy by that? If Edward was constantly berading himself with thoughts that he was monster and that he could only kill; nothing more, more wouldn't that effect who he was? It's taking a deeper look past the rape and past the brutailty to look at something deeper and more concerting.**

**Thanks for the people who have been so supportive and have been asking questions that I've been more than grateful to answer. I don't usually do follow ups on my one shots, so this is a special one.**


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